Recently I committed to taking days off. As the owner of my own business days off are not the norm for me, in fact they are few and far between. After getting shown the door from my corporate job I was excited to step into self employed life with the promise of setting my own hours because I was my boss.
Well, to say there was an adjustment period is an understatement. I was used to have guaranteed income, paid vacation, benefits. That was all out the window. So I did what most people do when faced with this situation. I started to work my ass off. That meant a lot of time doing things and no time off. There was a period of 3 months that I literally worked straight. No breaks. I can tell you by the end I was twitchy, a little cranky and definitely not my best self.
It’s not sustainable to work all the time I told myself so I had to come to a new practice. Do nothing. No plans, no work, no cleaning. Just relax. First it started with a day here and there, I would have nothing to do and chores would start to creep their way in as time went on. I noticed that it was difficult for me to fully relax and settle into having nothing to do.
What would come forward is guilt. That voice inside me saying “Hey, you have a manual to finish.” “What about those receipts? They won’t sort themselves” and so on. Or I would have a client message me and ask for a session that day. My immediate reaction was, “Oh, monies! Security! That’s more important right?” WRONG. But I would struggle with saying no for fear of somehow blocking my attraction of abundance. Whatever came forward I would have a tough time just being. Like it wasn’t ok for me to have time for myself or enjoy my life.
I started to dig in because I wanted to get clear on why I was feeling that way and the root of all of it was one simple thing. Fear. I wanted to know I was going to be ok, I needed permission to soften. I was used to having that financial support without thinking of it. Now I had to. I was reasonable for me. CRAZY! So here’s what I learned.
I had to let go. I had to practice trust. I had to talk myself down from the busy ledge and give myself the permission to chill the f out. I had to know that it was ok for me to say no and if someone really wanted to work with me they would wait. And that was the person I wanted. The results? I would have more people book, make more money and feel more rested. Amazing right?
So I suppose the work is to allow yourself time. To schedule it in and honour it. To look at your kitchen and go, screw it. I’ll do it tomorrow. To say no when people want you for things you don’t want to do. And let it all be ok. Because you come from a better place when you’re taking care of you. Trust me. People will appreciate it.
Jess says
January 22, 2019 at 8:19 pmSO darn true!!! It’s funny how we are socialized to believe that being busy equals success!