Divine Amore

Reiki Healing

  • Home
  • Services
  • Contact
  • About Ann
  • Blog

Vulnerability. Why Does it Seem so Hard and Why the Work is Worth it.

November 2, 2015 Ann 1 Comment

vulnerability
I grew up in a family dominated by men.  I was as much of a tom boy that my mother would allow me to be, so I got to do all the stuff that was considered for boys like go fishing and play with toy trucks and cars.  I just had to wear something pink while I was doing it.
I had a very close relationship with my grandfather, who took me under his wing and taught me everything that he could.  As a young girl, I absorbed all the knowledge he passed on like a sponge.  My grandfather embodied manhood to me.  He was strong, charasmatic, successful, calm, cool and collected.  If he ever got upset, he didn’t show it, unless it was anger that needed to come to the table. There was no crying to be seen, ever.  No matter what the circumstances were.  This behaviour for me meant that he was a strong human.  No one would ever dream of messing with him.  He could not be touched.  Vulnerability was not in his vocabulary.  I admired that about him, seeing someone so loved and respected, so in control of himself showed me that if I wanted to be powerful, I needed to do these things.
Fast forward to me as an adult woman, with my share of hurt and heartbreak, carrying this story around that I’m not safe.  Vulnerability was not anywhere near my realm of thought.  I was firmly connected to my inner man.  I didn’t need anyone to save me, I was intimidating, strong and independent.  No one could touch me unless I allowed them to.  At the same time, I wanted a loving relationship with a man, a family, romance, late nights watching cheesy movies with wine under snuggly blankets.  That wasn’t showing up in the men I was dating.  The same story would happen where they were not ready to commit, had too much baggage or were generally just emotionally unavailable.  Every time a relationship would end, I would think, what’s wrong with me? Why do I keep attracting these guys who aren’t ready?
In that moment, the answer was pretty clear.  I was emotionally unavailable and every guy I dated was a reflection of me in some way.   I had to face some pretty heavy stories I was holding on to about myself.  The clearest answer, I was not vulnerable.  I was not vulnerable for a million valid reasons that all pointed back to me feeling like I needed to protect myself from being preyed upon.  I bounced back and forth with doing work around opening my heart chakra, going to reiki, doing countless camel poses, I bought a ton of rose quartz.  And all those things helped.
What really hit it home for me was a video I saw of myself teaching a yoga class.  it was my yearly review to check in and see how I was doing, where I could grow and what I was landing.  My biggest take away came from seeing how I walked around the room.  I was sassy.  I had my hip cocked, I had a swagger in my walk, even in my body language, I embodied “Do not fuck with me.” and it was a major aha moment.
So how would I have this loving relationship when I am physically showing up as a giant fuck you?  Short answer, I won’t have it. And in that moment I committed to change.  My tools have been these.
First thing, I needed to let people seem me.  No sass.  No swagger.  Just me, standing as myself.
Second thing, give myself permission to cry.  Especially in front of other people.  Not hide it either.  Just let it flow.
Third thing, share my feelings instead of pretending like everything was fine.  If I was upset or hurt or whatever, It must be shared.
Forth thing, soften.  Physically, stop trying to push myself  and be in go go go all the time.  Take rest.  Take bathes, get flowers, be girly.
Last thing, for now.  Get in touch with my divine feminine.  Feminine energy is so powerful because it honours the balance in all of us.  It brings in nurturing, compassion, creation, the ability to be still.  All things I disconnected from.
This practice has shifted stories I’ve been holding about myself for a long time. Even today I cried with a friend when I shared a story with her about her upcoming wedding, something even six months ago would have been so challenging for me to do.  Every day it gets a little easier and the best part of it.  I get a little lighter.

Share on Tumblr

Blog

Comments

  1. kettlebell routine for abs says

    November 25, 2015 at 7:26 am

    The exercise then, do 12 representatives with the exact same weight, then raise the
    weight a bit you next workout.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

About Ann

I have left my corporate life behind to pursue my passion for holistic health, spiritual richness and transformation.

My goal in this life is to use this gift I have been given to help you be the best version of yourself possible!
Read More...

Services Available

* Reiki Treatments *
* Distance healing and Energy Chart *
* Tarot Card Readings *
* Party Services (bridal showers etc) *
* Private Yoga lessons and sessions *


Search

divineamorereiki

Divine Amore Reiki & Readings
Answers: Water: where do you need to flow? Wat Answers: 

Water:  where do you need to flow?  Water is connected to your intuition, the knowing that you have naturally.  This message is here to remind you that you already know it’s coming, so let it go and trust that it’s happening now.  It just may not be on your timeline.  Tap into the stream of the current and know it’s taking you exactly where you need to be. 

The Book of Magus:  Your word is everything, so what are you saying right now?  Are you focused on things not happening?  Wondering why you’re attracting poop when you’ve asked it to stop?  The law of attraction gives you what you focus on, so if you want the good to happen, focus on that.  If you need to be gentle with yourself right now that’s ok too.  Find a better feeling thought, like “it’s going to be ok.” “Things change all the time, for the better.” It’s better than being a poop magnet.  Your word is law, remember that. 

Air:  where do you need to invite in more space?  Take a breath?  Get yourself in motion.  It’s time for you to embrace the movement that air brings in.  You are the maker and creator of your reality, so it’s time for you to take that intentional action you’ve been waiting on....let the wind take you. 

#oracle #oraclecards #theanswers #healing #love #divineamore
Alrighty....let’s see where this one takes you! Alrighty....let’s see where this one takes you!  Pick a card and drop in the comments below. 

#oracle #oraclecards #witchvibes #witchypoo #messages #universalmessages #healing #energyhealing #themagick #whatdoyoudesire #focusup #trust #trusttheprocess #dothework #bigmagick #levelup #divineamore
Ahahahahhahahahhahahahhhahahhhahahahhahahhahahhaha Ahahahahhahahahhahahahhhahahhhahahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahhahahahahhhahahahhahahaha. 

#witchmemes #funnies #jokes #icant #toogood #healing #clearing #laughteristhebestmedicine #witch #vibes #loveit #divineamore
So here’s some truth. I have been in a journey So here’s some truth. 

I have been in a journey of shifting and transformation for a while now.  I am still in a deep level of healing, learning about myself and clearing away my old bullshit. 

I’ve been hearing this message lately, that shit will seem the most challenging right as you’re about to level up. 

Well I’m clearly on the verge of a major level up. 

And so are you. 

When relationships fall apart.  When friends walk away.  When you miss a bill payment.  When something breaks down.  These are all signs that magick is literally happening for you. 

Let this be your reminder that you are supported.  You are safe.  You are calibrating and aligning to your next level of success.  The new love.  The more supportive friendship.  Trust it.  Trust that you’ll be alright.  Trust that whatever is for you will find you.  Trust, trust and trust again. 

Know that I am right there beside you. 

#healing #bigwork #transformation #alignment #alignmentpractice #trusttheprocess #dothework #leanin #trusttheunknown #clearing #itshappening #yougotit #itsallunfolding #trust #trustagain #youaresupported #love #divineamore
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2015 · Wild Free Design