Lately I’ve been working on being more vulnerable in my relationships with people and as a yoga teacher. I’ve been making eye contact with students, having longer one and one conversations with new clients, softening my posture as I stand in front of the room, not repeating my movements and so on. To keep myself accountable I’ve been asking my fellow teachers to give me feedback on their experience of me when I teach and if they felt that I’m embodying vulnerability. Unfortunately, when I would ask each teacher, I came back with mixed messages. Some people said yes, some people said no. Everyone had their own opinion about my progress. My response to this? Total frustration. I was hoping that my feedback would be consistent because I felt more open and that I had softened. I took it as a failure, went home and cried.
And then I had a aha moment.
For a long time I’ve been looking to other people to validate me. My thoughts. My instincts. I needed another person’s agreement to ensure that I was right about what I thought and could trust how I felt in any given situation. I would feel something instinctually and then have to ask five friends if they agreed with me to make sure I was “right”. Since I’m an intuitive person you would think I’d have no problem trusting myself. Well. I have a strong intuition yes. I also have a lot of fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of putting myself out there and getting hurt. Fear that someone won’t like me. Fear that I am crazy. Because of that, I look for agreement that usually doesn’t come and I feel even more confused or deflated.
So after my post yoga melt down, i had this thought. Maybe, instead of needing someone to tell me I was more open or vulnerable, I needed to trust that if I feel that, I am. Maybe I didn’t need someone to tell me I’m doing the work, to know that I’m doing the work. That not everyone sees things the same way. And maybe, there is no maybe. Trust. I had to trust in my own process.
Ultimately I know I’m on the right track and am making progress in my personal transformation. What’s important here and why I wanted to share this with you is this. We all have moments of self doubt, of not knowing which decision is the right one. That is the best time to get still, get quiet and turn your attention inward. Listen. Trust that whatever you decide is exactly what you are supposed to do.
I am just like this!
I learned, through astrology, that when you constantly seek the feedback of others and the approval of others, you silence your own voice. Why would anyone come to me for help if I have to go to 8 people and my dog just to decide on what movie to watch?
Once I started to listen to myself, and validate my truth, people started to listen to me more and I was able to get to my end goal; to help others!
Great post and site! (*but, you knew that already ;)*)
Thank you V! That means a lot to me. Sending love!
I Love and Need this bag! I finished my trteament in Oct. 2011 and found it in Oct. 2008. No one has really explained the how many years you have been a survior so I really do not know how long I have been one. But one day I will be able to get this bag. Hopefully sometime in the near future. Great Job Ladies keep up the good work!!!
Tocwhdoun! That’s a really cool way of putting it!
Thank you.