I work as a teacher in a yoga studio and from time to time I hear people say things like “This year I want to be in the best shape of my life.” Meaning, they want their bodies to look incredible, strong and healthy. That totally makes sense to me. Taking care of my physical body is important. I started to think, what else could that possibly look like? What if the best shape for me wasn’t just a physical thing? What if it encompassed all areas of my life? Where did I need to tone up my thoughts about myself? Where did I need to trim stuff off my soul?
Up until 5 years ago I was married. I had a plan; house, kids, work, husband. Everything seemed like it was all falling into place. I was miserable. So I pulled the plug and walked away from my planned life to step into something else.
I feel like I’ve spent that last 5 years post break up either trying to figure out what I want or how to make the things that I want happen, particularly in my relationships with men. Ever since I left my ex-husband, I’ve had men flow in and out of my life. Some of it has been fun. Some tiring. Some heartbreaking. Some just annoying. In all of this I’ve tried to force things to happen in some way to move the relationship forward. Whether it be calling too much, trying to make plans too early or even pulling a tarot card to find out if this person is the one. The end result is the same, I always had an agenda of what I wanted for each person and what I wanted from them.
Recently I went to seek advice from a very dear friend about my latest relationship. During this conversation something came up. She said “There’s something in you that says you’re still protecting yourself. It’s in your skin. I can’t figure it out exactly but it’s there. There’s still a lesson for you in being fully open and surrendering. It’s like you need to let go of your agenda.”
So this got me to thinking. What am I doing in all of this? With this new guy, am I texting him? Check. Am I pulling tarot to see what’s next for us? Check. Am I looking for ways to connect rather than sitting back and receiving? Check and check. In that moment I had to get real with myself. Why am I always trying to push and make things happen? What’s in it for me to always be in this state of wanting something, then doing everything in my power to stop it from happening? What’s my agenda and where is it coming from?
There’s definitely a stigma of being a single woman that I allow to come up sometimes. I’m a failure because I didn’t make my relationship work and now I’m alone. Why am I unable to accept love that I have in my life right now, from the people I have around me. To have gratitude for what I have rather than focus on what I don’t have at this moment. I need to love and nourish myself first and foremost.
My tips for getting healthy in all areas of life.
For my body, the obvious stuff:
- Exercise. I feel amazing when I have a solid routine of yoga, cardio and swimming.
- Eat foods that support my health. Know that it’s ok to indulge sometimes and only sometimes.
- Have a proper sleep routine so I feel rested.
For my mind:
- Read books that feed my mind rather than watching a ton of TV.
- Put down my phone. Have time away from technology to give my brain a break.
- Get out of debt. Finances are a huge deal for me. Carrying debt adds stress to my life. Stress equals poor diet, no sleep, no desire to exercise.
- Say no to commitments when I’m tired. When I overbook myself, I stress.
For my soul:
- Meditate. Guided or being quiet and still. Whatever works. It’s such a powerful practice.
- Reiki myself and get treatments when I need to so I feel like I’m in tip top shape energetically.
- Have clearing conversations with people so I’m not carrying resentment or anger around.
- Journal. It’s a beautiful way to put emotions down on paper. Journaling has been a profoundly therapeutic way of getting clear on what I need to work on in my life.
I realized what I really need to do right now is this: LET THE HELL GO. Stop trying to figure everything out. Start having faith in the perfection that already exists. Stop comparing myself to everyone else. Start reminding myself how great I am and allow myself to take that in. Stop stressing that things haven’t happened yet. Start letting things unfold naturally. Let go of the agenda. In one simple word I need to surrender.
And when I do. That’s when I will be in the best shape of my life.